We’ve been abroad a little more than 2 months. It has been everything. “The best of times, the crap, the lessons, the inconvenience and the joy.” We have been married for 24 years and have moved around a lot. Being the ‘go-to’ person for each other is nothing new, but going abroad just as a pair – no kids, no pets, no friends along is a new experience.
First and foremost, traveling brings any ‘issues’ in your relationship to the surface but quick as there is no place to hide. There is no ‘distraction’ from anything. We are strangers in strange lands – together. It’s thrilling, exhausting and disorienting. We have been rediscovering the strengths and struggles in each of us. This trip has been powerful relationship reset we did not quite anticipate.
Gratefully, we do like many of the same things. We like learning and history. We like good food. We like exploring new places and going to museums. I absolutely lean into my husband’s foreign language skills. The Croatian and Danish languages are unbelievably tricky. We failed miserably in attempts.
We both struggle with the disorienting nature of travel. The beds vary in comfort. We have too much stuff as we left the USA in hot August and finally the weather is just barely cooling off in October. Where do we put all the stuff? We keep sending ‘stuff’ back home much to the chagrin of our receiving adult child. Our ‘twenty-something’ kids sometimes struggle with us being so far away and wanting us to be physically closer. Guilt trips happen at odd hours. It’s sometimes difficult for them to remember this isn’t about us leaving them, but rather, us finding ourselves.
We have met quite a few people in our travels who have already become fast friends. People want to make connections. We all want a friendly face to relax with and not have to work so hard to communicate. We are so grateful for these blooming relationships.
We have visited about seven countries thus far; Denmark, Croatia, Slovenia, Italy, Belgium, France and Switzerland. Germany and the Netherlands are on the docket. I have zero desire to go back to another Eastern block country. There is something too harsh about it for me. I am extremely sensitive and their histories are intense/raw. The people’s personalities are more remote and guarded. I get it – too many wars, too many problem outsiders, too many other people telling them ‘they should do this.’ Understood. There are gorgeous, amazing places to visit & explore there, but not for me.
Amusingly, our own personalities reveal themselves more acutely abroad as well. Kenny is a very kind, friendly sort with an American big smile. Needless to say, his smiling does not ‘grease the wheels’ for service abroad. OMG, it makes me laugh! I have more the disposition of a cat or angsty teen – only smiling when required. I don’t often have a problem with service abroad as my more aloft manner is more European. Lol. Oh the mirrors of ourselves we are seeing on this trip!
Most of all – we are grateful. The accountant would never give us a ‘retirement savings gold star’ with this adventure – meh, c’est la vie. We have no plan to ever ‘retire’ as life is for the living. There is always something to do. This is unfolding trip is worth more than gold. We are more fully ourselves. More in love with each other – flaws included. And importantly, we are unlocking more. We are discovering more ways to be, more to see, more people to laugh along side. The future is wide open, with more ahead.
Project Empty Nest 